What’s Real    There are some days when depression is nothing but a nasty little bitch that runs up on you when you least expect it.  Like everything seemed to be going so well and then BAM!  Here we go down the dark tunnel, hold on tight kids.  If you’ve ever shared this experience then you know exactly what I …

Turning Point    You may have been asking yourself lately – what has become of Princess Peach?  Why have her tragic loves tales come to a halt?  I received a few messages during this time of silence, some of you wondered if I’d given up on writing.  Others wondered if I’d gotten myself into a relationship in which my shenanigans …

Numb Through writing this blog, there is one thing that has become apparent to me when it comes to people: our perceptions about ourselves and others are completely wrong more often than not.  This has been one of many thoughts floating around in my mind, with every email that I get from a reader who can’t understand why so many …

In my last post, you heard about my recent experience catching feelings for a man who was unavailable to me.  In fact, if I ever publish a book based on this blog, I might title it “catching feelings for unavailable men,” since that essentially describes my love life. In any case, this is a story where the complete opposite happened. …

Note: When this story was originally written, I was bitter and angry towards the subject involved, as well as the world in general.  One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned over the years is that carrying the weight of anger will only drag a person’s spirit down – causing so much more damage than what it’s worth.  Yes, I …

Present Day May 17, 2018   I’ve been at this party for less than an hour and I’m feeling bored already.  The other Guests are talking and laughing with the kind of animation that suggests that this is the most exciting night of their life. These parties aren’t totally awful, but I can’t help but wonder why I bother to …

(Disclaimer: Do not read unless you have read Part 1)   Darkness Falls Part 2   As the weeks went by after The Monster attacked, I learned how to function in society without giving away what was happening in my head.  I managed to smile at all the appropriate times, use all the right emojis in texts and avoid talking …

WARNING: This post contains a lot of emotional fury.

 

 

Darkness Falls Part 1

This next story takes place in the summer of 2011, shortly after my fling with The Leach.  I was 23 years old at the time, and I remember very clearly the emotions that led up to the Darkness.  It had been 7 months since Timmy and I had finally let each other go, but my heart still felt a huge void where it had once held all the love that I had for him.  And in case you can’t remember who Timmy was, he was The One That Got Away – the one who held me up against the glass while we made love for the city of Vancouver to see.  He was my everything, and to this day I still doubt that I’ll ever love another man with the level of intensity that I loved him.

In hindsight, it’s easy for me to see that I was spiralling into a pattern that would end up hurting me so much more than I could have anticipated.  I desperately wanted to wake up and not feel the hole in the middle of my chest – the emptiness that accompanied me wherever I went.  And I was willing to do almost anything to distract myself from the pain – including having flings with guys like The Leach.

In order to understand what happened next, first we have to hit rewind back to the night that I met Timmy.  You may recall the Halloween party in which I dressed up like a slutty nurse (literally the costume name) and pushed Timmy’s friend into a ditch.  If not, you really need to read that story.  The truth is, Timmy wasn’t the only guy that I met that night.  After all, I was young, hot and dressed up like a slutty nurse – need I say more?

When Hot Lips and I first arrived at the Halloween party that night, we met another man who I will refer to as The Monster – for multiple reasons.  He stood about six foot seven, so he literally did look like a Monster compared to everyone else in the room.  He was also dressed up as a Fighter, but was missing a key part of his costume – a black eye.  And for whatever reason, he chose Hot Lips and I to remedy this – following us around and asking if we could put some make up on him to make his eye look like it had been punched out.  If  I had a time machine, I would go back to that night and do the job the old fashioned way.

The Monster spent the rest of the night following me around like a lost puppy, flirting shamelessly and showering me with attention, which I really didn’t mind.  I didn’t dress up like a slutty nurse in order to fade into the background, let’s put it that way.

In fact, when Hot Lips and I were outside waiting for our taxi, The Monster was one of the first guys who became alerted to the fact that we were having some trouble with one of Timmy’s friends, who – as you may also recall – was beyond drunk and had started calling Hot Lips a whore after she said no to having sex with him.  And yes, this is also what led to me pushing him into a ditch and cursing him out.  However, The Monster was at our side moments later, in order to make sure that nobody else would give us any trouble – which made him seem like a pretty decent guy.

After that night, The Monster started calling and texting quite often – telling me that he wanted to see me again before he had to move away to Alberta in a couple of weeks.  One night, I went to his place to hang out and watch a movie.  I never questioned my safety when I was around him, because he was friends with so many of my friends – even his roommate was a guy that I saw all the time hanging out at another friends place.

We were watching a movie, when suddenly his lips were on mine and we were making out in an instant.  His kisses were deep with a feeling of desperation, and I tried not to feed into it, knowing that he was about to move away, I didn’t want to get into anything too deep.  Then suddenly, his hand was up my shirt and he was groping at my breast, at which point I pulled away and tried to sit back from him.  He looked up at me and asked “is something wrong?”  “Um… yeah, your hand is up my shirt and I wasn’t ready for that.  I wasn’t giving you those signals.”  He started laughing as he removed his hand from my shirt “you know what I like about you, Peach?  You wear your ovaries on the outside.”  I told him that he had pushed a boundary without asking, and he apologized.  We started talking about the fact that he was moving away soon, and how sad he was to have met me right before he had to leave.  Eventually, the evening wrapped up and I drove myself home.

The Monster continued to call me on a regular basis after he left BC and moved to Alberta.  Eventually, I stopped answering his calls once things started getting serious with Timmy.  In fact, Timmy knew that The Monster was still chasing my tail, and he really didn’t like it.  I think it never sat well with him that he had stood back while his friend was acting like an asshole, whereas The Monster had swooped in like a Knight in shining armour.  I told Timmy that if it bothered him so much, then maybe he should start acting like a knight in shining armour, too.

Fast forward to the summer of 2011, where this story takes a completely different turn.  To be honest, I can’t even remember how it all came about, but for one reason or another, The Monster reached out to me over Facebook one day and discovered that I was no longer with Timmy.  He told me that he was still in Alberta, but that he would love to come to BC to visit me soon.  In the back of my sad, lonely mind I wondered to myself if this was how it was all meant to be.  After all, I had met Timmy and The Monster on the very same night – and look at how things had turned out.  I had chosen Timmy and here I was with a broken heart – maybe I should have been with The Monster all along.

Soon enough, we were making plans for him to take the road trip from Alberta to BC, over phone calls that would last for hours.  In fact, he even started writing me love letters which would arrive in the mail every few days.  At the time, I treasured those love letters like they might end up in my wedding scrapbook one day.  In reality – I burned them in my back yard months later.

I’m going to be completely honest – there was a lot of flirting between us, and it was loaded with sexual connotation.  I enjoyed flirting with him, and I imagined that if the chemistry was there and everything felt right, then maybe we would end up having sex.  But what mattered to me the most, more than anything else, was to establish whether or not a relationship was possible between us.  I wanted to do things right this time – just like he and I had been telling each other for weeks.

Soon, it was the day that he started driving over, which would take about 18 hours.  His plan was to leave the night before and drive through the night, arriving at my house the next day.  We joked that he would likely arrive on my door step dead from exhaustion.  He told me that he wanted to kiss me the moment that he saw me, and I told him it would depend on how we both felt in that moment – these are things that you just can’t plan.

Partway through his road trip, he called me to say hello.  Only this time, everything about him over the phone was different.  His breath was heavy, and he told me that he couldn’t wait to get me naked that night.  I laughed it off, acting as though he had been innocently flirting with me, even though it hadn’t come across that way at all at all.  I told him that we would see how it went, and he laughed.   I hung up the phone with feelings of apprehension and discomfort – why did I suddenly feel so nervous?  Yes, we had been flirting, and yes, that flirting had certainly crossed the line of sex talk.  Had I created some sort of false promise of sex?  I texted him, and said something along the lines of “I’m feeling really nervous about the expectations that you might have for us to have sex.”  He texted me back saying not to worry and that he would be there soon.  But I was worried, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was walking directly into danger.

Why would I have walked directly into a situation where I felt at danger?  For so many reasons, starting with the fact that I was raised to be polite.  He had driven all the way here – I couldn’t just tell him not to come over now, could I?  Maybe the feeling that I had in my gut meant nothing.  I was 23 years old and I had never been faced with this kind of dilemma.  It wasn’t like I could pick up the phone and call my Mom to ask her opinion – the disapproval of me inviting a boy over for the night would override everything else, and she wouldn’t be able to review the situation without bias.  In the end, I decided to proceed with our plan of hanging out.  What could possibly go wrong?

Hours later, I stood at my front door watching his car pull into my driveway while feelings of nervousness rose in my chest.  The car door opened and he jumped out with a burst of energy, his eyes on me immediately while he started running towards the door.  I had forgotten how tall he was, and how physically intimidated I felt when I was around him.  His arms were around me in an instant, and he leaned down to start kissing me, pushing his tongue into my mouth while we stood at my doorstep.  I was completely overwhelmed by the level of passion I could feel in him, and I felt myself pulling away, suddenly feeling slightly sick.

We made our way into the house while he explained that he really needed to take a shower after driving for such a long time.  I threw him a fresh towel and gave him a demonstration of how to work the temperature in my 1920’s house.  I could hear him talking to himself while he was in the shower, his voice loud and booming, and I suddenly remembered how loud and bold he is.  And even though the immediate make out session on my front step had really thrown me off, I still had hope that we could have a nice evening together.

When he got out of the shower, I was waiting for him in the kitchen.  I figured that sitting at the kitchen table would prevent the possibility of him overwhelming me with unwanted affection, but I was wrong.  Instead of sitting down at the table with me, he stood beside me, leaning down and kissing me while I tried to to ignore the feeling of suffocation that was taking over in his presence.  I wasn’t even really kissing him back, and kept trying to pull away, but he would turn my face towards his and continue.  Finally, I asked him to stop, and explained that it was too much.  He laughed and said he was sorry, and asked for a tour of my place.

I showed him around the back yard first, explaining what my vision was for the property.  I wanted to have a normal conversation with him – some sort of meeting of the minds, in order to see if it was possible for me to feel the passion which he was so clearly vibing on.  Only, it bothered me that he seemed to have all of these physical desires, with very little interest in connecting with me on a deeper level now that we were together in person.  And maybe you’re reading this wondering why that would suddenly be an issue for me – since I sleep with strangers quite often.  But maybe this is where you discover for the first time that I absolutely cannot sleep with anyone unless I feel some sort of cerebral connection with them first.  Every single one of the men who made it on the Hit List only made it there because he made his way into my brain before my body on some level.

The Monster was not concerned with making his way into my brain.  Walking around the back yard, he kept touching at me, his breathing getting harder the closer that he would get to me.  It was during the back yard walk that I really started wondering what I had gotten myself into.  He was there, but he didn’t really appear to be home.  The humanity had gone missing from his eyes, and he was looking at me quite the way that a dog would stare down a piece of meat.  I noticed the erection in his pants, which he made no effort to hide or point out.  The fact that he did neither was what bothered me the most.

When we got back into the house, I decided to be completely honest with him.  I told him that I had no intention of having sex with him that night, and that I felt as though it was the only thing he wanted, which he denied.  I explained that he was touching me too much and crossing my boundaries even after I had asked him to stop a few times, and it was making me uncomfortable.  I told him that maybe he should leave and find somewhere else to spend the night.

He apologized and promised that he would stop.  He told me that he would be perfectly capable of sleeping beside me without trying anything – and assured me that he understood where I was coming from.  He seemed a little put off, but overall I felt more at ease, and the part of me that was raised to be polite took over and told him that he could stay.

We climbed into bed together, me fully clothed, and him in his underwear.  I turned over on my side, facing away from him, hoping that we could curl up and fall asleep together and that tomorrow would be a new day.  I realized moments later that I had been completely foolish to believe that I still had any level of control over the situation.

His hands were all over me at once, and I told him to stop, but he didn’t.  He kept reaching his hand down my pants and I told him not to, but I still felt his fingers pushing their way between my thighs, despite my protests.  The sheer size of him became so intimidating to me in that moment, as I realized that it would take very little for him to hurt me.  Here I was, in my own bed, completely paralyzed with fear.  I was saying no, and he wasn’t stopping, and suddenly I realized that my words no longer mattered.    I felt his finger push it’s way inside of me, and a tear rolled down my cheek.

Many of the details that happen next feel hazy, so you’ll have to bear with me on this one.  I remember trying to keep my legs together while he pulled them apart, pushing his finger inside of me further while I shuddered, feeling sick.  I remember him realizing that my body wasn’t responding to what he was doing, since I was clearly not into it.  His fingers felt abrasive against my raw skin, and I remember that it hurt.  He told me that he was going to go down on me, and I asked him not to, but again he didn’t listen.  The feeling of his tongue against me made me feel numb, and I remember laying there completely still, hoping that if I didn’t move or show any sign of reciprocation that he would just stop, but he didn’t.  I can’t even describe what it felt like to loathe him and to have no choice but to let him have my body.  I hated myself for being there – but I knew that it was too late now.  Every time I tried to move away from him, his massive hands would grab my thighs and hold them down effortlessly.  I thought that I was strong, but I was no match for him.

When he lifted his body over mine and slid himself inside of me, something disconnected.  I knew what was happening, but it was almost as though I couldn’t feel it happening to me.  I was floating inside of my body, peering out through the eyes that were still mine and yet felt like they belonged to somebody else.  I stared up at the ceiling, noticing the detail on the chandelier hanging over my bed.  In the corner of my eyes, I could say his head moving up and down while he had sex with me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him or acknowledge what was happening.  Time felt suspended while I waited for it to be over.  For as long as I live, I’ll never forget the way that it felt as though a part of me died in my own bed that night – the bright light inside of me dimmed into a flickering flame until it finally burnt out, leaving me cold and raw.

When it was finally over, he turned me back over on my side, facing away from him.  The most disgusting part about all of this was the fact that he spent the night with his body wrapped around mine, snoring in my ear while I stared at the wall.

The next morning, I snuck out of the house before he woke up.  I remember putting my clothes on and feeling as though I was getting my clothes dirty just by wearing them.  But I couldn’t think about that right then, because I had to go to work.

I felt as though I was seeing and hearing everything from underneath the water that day.  People were talking to me, and had to wave their hands in front of my face before I would notice.  My boss asked me if everything was okay, and I mustered up the best smile that I could and said I was tired, but fine.

One of my coworkers asked how the night went with my friend who was coming to visit, and I told her that “things had happened even though I didn’t want them to.”  She looked at me with knowing eyes and told me that there was a fine line between having fun and sexual assault.

After my shift was over, I drove back to my house – terrified to face him, but also filled with fury.  I knew that what had happened was wrong, and I knew that if I had to look at him for any longer than a few minutes, that I was going to be sick.  Luckily, he was in the back yard when I got home, so I didn’t have to step foot into the house while he was there, and I made sure to keep it that way.  As soon as I saw him, I told him that he needed to pack up his shit and get out of my sight.  The look on his face was full of shock – he honestly had no idea what was wrong, and the invalidation that I felt in that moment was stunning.  I yelled at him that he knew that I didn’t want to have sex with him the night before – I had told him this multiple times, before and during what had happened.  He yelled back at me “I can’t fucking believe this” as he stormed into my house, collecting his belongings.  I sat on the back deck while the tears rolled down my cheeks, until I heard my front door slam and I knew he was finally gone.

I ran inside of my house, locking all the doors and windows, before making my way into the bathroom just in time to start throwing up.  I ran a shower and sat on the shower floor for what felt like hours, even after the water turned cold.  I wanted to reach down and touch my vagina to find out if it was even okay, but I couldn’t do it.  Instead, I opened my mouth and let go of a wailing cry, a sound of despair that I had never heard from myself before.  I slept in the bath tub that night, crying and shaking because it felt like the only safe place to be in my house.

The next day, I woke up and knew that I wasn’t okay.  I knew that I needed help, but that there was only one specific person that I would allow to see me like this, and that person was my best friend Mario.  As soon as I told him what had happened, he was on his way over to be with me.

Mario took me to the hospital, where I was brutally questioned by a nurse before being put into an empty room that they reserve for sexual assault meetings.  You see, if you go to the hospital and tell them that you were sexually assaulted, the first thing that they do is call the Victoria Sexual Assault Centre.  From there, a person who is on call comes to the hospital to be with you, and usually that person is a volunteer who has been assaulted at some point, themselves.

When the girl arrived to see me, I sat there and told her what had happened while she listened.  I cried and she cried, and we sat in solidarity until the doctors came in, asking if I wanted to do a rape kit.  I told them no, I didn’t.  The Monster hadn’t physically torn anything or broken anything, of that I was sure.  He had also taken the time to slip on a condom, so I knew that there wouldn’t be any DNA to collect.  And besides all of that – I didn’t want anyone to come close to my lady parts.  I felt like there was something so wrong about me, something that had been forever tainted.  My parts were no longer exciting and sexual, they were scary and off limits.

Mario took me home and stayed with me that night, because there was absolutely no way in hell I would be sleeping in my house alone.  Everything about my house now felt wrong – like it was no longer a place where I could feel safe.  I even made a phone call the very next day to a security company, in order to install the best security system that money could buy.

Lucky for me, Mario stripped my bed of all the sheets, and threw them in the garbage.  He helped me move my furniture around in my room, because I knew that I needed my room to feel different if I was ever going to sleep there again.  To be honest, my house and my bedroom in particular never did feel the same to me.  When I finally sold that house years later, it felt like washing my hands clean of something that was weighing me down.

The next few weeks felt like a horrible dream while I went through the motions of life, wishing that the fog would lift and that I would feel like myself again.  But I knew that I was never going to be the same person again – because part of me had died.  I was going to have to rebuild everything from the inside out, and I had no idea how to start or even if I wanted to.

When I finally told my Mom what had happened about a month later, she cried and wanted to come out to see me right away, but I told her that I didn’t want to see her.  I didn’t want to see anyone who loved me, because I felt so ashamed.  I knew that I needed support, but I wasn’t sure how to reach out – especially while I struggled with how much I hated myself.  I asked my Mom to tell the rest of the family what had happened, because I couldn’t do it myself.  She came back by telling me that she had discussed it with my Dad, who used to be a cop, and that he felt as though the best way to handle this situation was to keep it as quiet as possible.  My heart broke when I read those words, and it confirmed for me what I already knew – I wasn’t the only person who felt ashamed of me.

Despite my Dad’s extremely chauvinistic perspective, I still asked my Mom to tell my family what had happened.  She told my Brother, Sister in law, Aunt, Uncle and cousins.  Not a single one of them reached out to me or showed any ounce of support.  My heart broke even more.

When I finally came to a point where my depression turned into anger, I visited the Victoria Sexual Assault Centre and asked what my options were for justice.  The lady there explained that she could arrange an interview between myself and my local RCMP office to give my statement.  I decided to go ahead and report what had happened to me.

Here is what it looks like when a woman has been sexually assaulted and chooses to report it: the local Police department sets up an interview room, in which you sit in alone for at least 15 minutes while a camera stares directly into your face.  After this, two Police Officers (one female) come into the room and ask you to explain what happened to you – pausing your story every five seconds to ask for clarification on specific details: what were you wearing?  You smoked a joint that evening – do you smoke weed often?  What affect does it usually have on you?  How is your short term memory?  Can we please see all texts leading up to the visit?  It seems that you were quite flirty with him up until he came to visit – what changed?  What impression do you think you gave him when you were flirting?

I felt defeated.  Even though I was trying to do the right thing by standing up for myself and using my voice – I also felt as though I wasn’t being heard at all.  And even though I knew who The Monster was, knew who his friends were, had his address and knew where he lived, guess what?  They never managed to track him down for an interview.  That’s our Justice system hard at work for our women.  And I say that as a white woman who grew up in a first class neighbourhood in one of the safest countries in the world.  To even imagine what other women face who are not nearly as privileged – we can’t understand a pain that deep.  For the first time in my life, I finally understood the underbelly of society, and I saw all of the reasons why it is so impossible for us to heal one another.

At this point, I knew that my own journey of healing was going to be a long one, and that I was going to have to want to it in order for it to happen.  But I just didn’t have the strength to do it, and I fell deeper and deeper into the pit of despair, not realizing how close rock bottom was…

 

To be continued…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Believe it or not, we have finally come to the time where there are only a few more names left on The Hit List, and this time I mean it for real.  The last time I said there were only three names left on the List, it wasn’t a lie…it just didn’t stay true for very long.  This time around, …

A note to the Readers: If you haven’t already, please read “The Vagina Chronicles Volume 51: Sexy Flanders” before reading this post, or you may be left with more questions than answers 🙂   Another Round    Remember that time that I said that I wasn’t going to sleep with Sexy Flanders again?  I’d like to rewind back to that …

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A note to Chasing Freedom Readers: Thank you so much for all the love and support that you’ve sent my way over the past couple of months.  After the epic failure with Rocket Man, I was inundated with notes of concern, support and offers of sexual favours… all of which brought a smile to my face – you Perverts really …

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In Volume 13 of The Vagina Chronicles, I introduced you to my ex boyfriend Timmy who was otherwise known as “The One That Got Away.”  I was 22 years old when I met Timmy, and I fell completely and hopelessly in love with him.  There’s no question about it – my heart expanded in ways that I didn’t think were …

In this next story, I’m going to hit the rewind button all the way back to the year 2006 when I was 18 years old and living in Germany.  I’ve shared a few stories with you already about my time spent in Deutschland, and who could forget the incredible affair with Jack and Jill (ref: The Vagina Chronicles Volume 8). …

  Wild Thoughts  I’m going to start this next one off with a little moment of truth: I’ve had terrible writer’s block for the past couple of weeks and it’s been killing me on the inside.  I’ve sat down to write a new post at least half a dozen times, only to delete everything that I had written.  It’s hard …

For All The Fellas This week I had a lovely visit from one of my best friends, who also happens to be my trusted advisor and the devil on my shoulder all at once.  You may remember her from a few of my previous stories, as she goes by the name “Miss Smart.” You see, Miss Smart is the first …

For those of you who are subscribed to Chasing Freedom via email, you will notice that the email updates are currently not working.  Feedburner is being a heinous dick, and also I’m terrible at fixing software issues.  Should be back up and running soon, so hang tight! xo Peach

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 47: The Leach It was the Spring of 2011, and I had recently ended things with a man you may remember as Mr. Obliterated.  The title really says it all, since the guy was a drunk, albeit a sexy one.  I knew in my heart that I had done the right thing by ending it, …

  Back To Reality On Sunday I returned from a week long vacation spent totally off the grid in Northern BC.  And by off the grid, I literally mean the middle of nowhere.  We were beach combing next to bear prints, eating huckleberries in the Rain forest, and watching Humpback Whales breach.  One thing you need to understand about me, …

Warning: this might possibly be one of the longest posts I have ever written, but hang in there… it’s well worth the read 😉 Afternoon Delight   One thing that I really despise about getting older is the fact that I can no longer make questionable decisions without knowing that it’s a bad idea.  The voice inside is loud and …

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I’m breaking the radio silence, so here it goes… Recently, I logged into my gmail account for the first time in months to read all the emails that were waiting in my inbox.  I was overwhelmed by how many readers had reached out to ask where I’ve been.  I didn’t think you would actually miss me that much – but …

What’s that you say?  Princess Peach is using a person’s real name in the blog?  Yes, it’s True.  This is going to be the one and only time that I reveal the identity of a man within a story of mine.  You see, Tyler True isn’t just any man, he is the man who helped create the prodigy that is The …

Letting Go I’ve always loved the analogy of the tree that bends but never breaks.  For anyone who has ever experienced a wind storm, you can attest to the strength of Mother Nature.  Both in delivering the blunt force, as well as the humble acceptance of the chaos around her.  And as many of us already know, sometimes life can be just like that, …

Wide Awake You may have noticed that it’s been pretty quiet on the blog for the past few weeks.  And when I say quiet, I mean that you probably thought I died or gave up on writing.  Rest assured that neither of those things have happened, though I appreciate the concern.  To be honest, I needed some time to just be …

This next story will always be close to my heart, simply because of the fact that it all started on July 1, 2007, otherwise known as Canada Day. In my younger years, Canada Day was all about getting wasted and watching the fireworks downtown along with the rest of the city.  The main streets around the Inner Harbor turn into …

  Bad Ass Girls When I think about who I was in high school, all I remember is feeling like a complete outsider with a chip on my shoulder.  I felt like everyone was out to get me, and I admittedly behaved like an ice cold bitch towards the majority of my classmates.  Truth be told, I had been bullied pretty harshly …

If you’ve been reading along, you may recall that in my younger years, I used to do a fair amount of partying.  And when I say that I used to party, what I really mean is that I drank a lot of booze, smoked a lot of weed, and did the occasional hard drugs.  It’s true, this Peach has ingested …

In the previous Volume of The Vagina Chronicles, I explained that after the story of The Wanksta had been told, we would be counting down the final three on the Hit List.  Well, the other day I realized that while I had made a small mention of one particular man, I never did share the story about what took place with …

  Little Peach Last night I found myself sitting in front of the computer, fingers hovering above the keyboard in frustration.  The words weren’t coming, no matter how many times I would type and delete.  Every attempt that I made to articulate what was on my mind was completely kiboshed by the fact that I couldn’t quite grasp the message …

To start this next one off, I have a special announcement: after telling this story, we will finally be into the final 3 of The Hit List.  Honestly, I was starting to feel like it would never end.  To all the people out there who have slept with as many people I have (or more), do yourself a favor and …

  Celibacy Vow: Day 22 Lately, I’ve received many inquiries about my celibacy vow, most of which go something like: why the fuck would you do that, Peach?  Have you completely lost your god damned mind? Possibly. When I started the vow of celibacy, it was January 15, and at that moment there wasn’t anybody in my life that I wanted …

Yesterday, I wrote a post in which I mentioned that mutual masturbation over webcam is not a violation of my celibacy vow.  And for some reason, I failed to foresee what the response would be to this.  I have received more emails than I can count today, demanding to know when and where I was available to masturbate over Webcam. …

  A Day In The Life A few days ago, I received an email from a reader, who wanted to know if I was interested in finding someone to have sex with.  I explained to him that I had taken a vow of celibacy (73 days left!), and that I’m currently taking a step back and doing something different.  He asked …

When I first started writing this blog, I shared the story with you about how I finally took the time to put together “The Hit List.”  And if you’re wondering what The Hit List is, it’s exactly what it sounds like: the list of men that I’ve had sex with. You see, one of my girl friends and I had …

Recently, I was chatting with a reader, who posed a very important question: what does intimacy mean for a woman?  After all, he pointed out that most men equate intimacy to physical touch.  Whether or not you believe that to be true, is an entirely different point.  I found that I could relate to what he was saying.  After all, for …

When I was 13 years old, I had my first “real” boyfriend.  And if you’re wondering what I mean by “real”, I mean that he and I were head over heels in love with each other, and spent every second that we possibly could, touching and making out.  I feel like I am going to need to save all of …

Author’s note: I would highly recommend reading The Vagina Chronicles Volume 9: Church Boy Virgin before reading this next post. To tell this next tale, I am going to hit rewind, and take you back to a time when I was engaged to Church Boy Virgin.  Yes, engaged *shudder*.  I was the ripe age of 21, and I had absolutely no idea …

Thus far, I feel like I have somehow managed to tip toe around this topic, which is one that I feel incredibly passionate about.  As you can imagine, a large number of my readers are men, and when it comes to writing and delivering a story, I always keep in mind one thing: consider your audience.  The thing is, it’s …

I stumbled across this comic strip the other day, and realized that this perfectly describes everything that I have ever wanted in a relationship.  Check it out:   24/7 BDSM by TeMeL

  We All Fall Down For as long as I can remember, I have always been completely head over heels in love with the city of Vancouver.  Particularly, I love downtown Vancouver, where the energy of the city feels so eclectic, compared to Victoria.  But the one thing about Vancouver that always takes my breath away, is the sky line. …

Now, in hindsight, I really should have saved the name “The Alcoholic” for this next story, as it would have been so much more fitting.  But alas, it’s far too late for that now, so I went with the next best thing, and named this next specimen “Mr. Obliterated.”  And just to paint the picture of what I mean by …

You can now subscribe to my blog via email!  Just enter your email in the “Email Updates” box on the “Yours Truly” page, and you will receive an email once a day with any new posts.  Happy reading, my pervy friends… xo Peach

DISCLAIMER: this is probably one of the filthiest posts yet, so hold on tight 😉 I’m going to start this next one off with a little bit of clarification: “Cumfession” was not a misspell, and that being said, you probably know exactly where this is going already.  You see, there are a lot of people who really enjoy the bodily …

  The Missionary Myth Over the years, I think one of the number one complaints that I’ve heard from men who are in a committed relationship is this: she only ever wants to do it missionary style, so the sex is never fun or exciting anymore.  And while I can see where you’re coming from, I think we need to open this …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 39: Last Minute Man   This next story takes place back in 2007, right around the time that my old friend Troublemaker had returned from her travels.  You may recall from a previous post that Troublemaker had moved into my place, shortly after she returned home. Which meant that she and I were spending a …

  Celibacy: Night One Last night, I was tossing and turning in my bed, trying to get to sleep with no luck.  My mind was spinning over and over again at top speed, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut it off.  I thought about all of the usual things that plague people at night: money, work, …

cel·i·ba·cy ˈseləbəsē/ noun the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations. “his brother’s priestly vow of celibacy” Recently, I was chatting with a friend of mine, and we ended up having a pretty intense conversation about our lives as two people who are single  He told me that he still has hopes of meeting the woman of his dreams, and …

A Peach By Any Other Name Would Taste As Sweet So, you may have noticed the fact that I have never actually posted a photo of myself, nor have I really given a thorough physical description of myself (aside from explaining that my body is curvy like Denise Bidot’s).  Well, as it turns out, the physical description is quite important …

  To All The Married Men Recently, I received an email from a man who shared with me how much he enjoys my blog, along with some valuable insight.  I didn’t really think a whole lot of it, since I receive quite a few emails, mostly from men who want to share their thoughts and feelings about what they read …

Calm down, this next post is not a post about my own Father.  I wouldn’t do that to you guys, especially after all of the awesome dick pics I received after my post yesterday.  It’s funny, because when I made my comment about dick pics in my previous post, I never imagined that it would result in an inbox full …

  Red Hot Desire Lately, I’ve been receiving a lot of emails from the Guys out there, who read my blog and ask: could you be a little more specific, Peach?  Could you tell us more about what revs your engine?  And honestly, as much as I totally see what your doing (you perverts!), I also feel like there are moments that …

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in the lunch room at work, when one of my co-workers and I were having a fairly perverted conversation about how young is too young.  You see, this coworker of mine happens to be one of my favorite people, even though he and I never spend time together outside of work.  Sometimes, the …

Today, I received an email from a reader, which I would like to share in this post.  Consider this next post to be almost like a Q and A with the Author, if you will.  And like always, I’m going to answer this one as truthfully as I can… Hi Princess Peach, I’ve been following your blog for a while now …

The Vagina Chronicles Volume 36: The Alcoholic   Shortly after my encounter with The French Guy, I went into total “man hunt” mode, during which time, my mission was to seek and destroy, until I could find myself a boyfriend.  I was 16 years old and all I wanted was to find a man who could fill the void that …

Earlier this morning, I removed this post from the site.  A new development had taken place, and I needed to completely re-write the entire story, since this new revelation changed everything about it.  Even as I’m writing and editing this post, I’m having incredible difficulty with truly breaking down my emotions, because there are a lot of them included in …

My Daughter loves to watch My Little Pony on Netflix, which I happen to think is awesome, since I grew up on My Little Pony in the late 80’s and early 90’s.  Honestly, one of the first things that I would do, if I had a time machine, would be to go back and collect all the Pony dolls that I …

Just to keep things super easy to follow, I am going to hit the rewind button again, and take you back to when I was just 16 years old.  This next story takes place shortly after my relationship with Stewart ended, and it was around this time that all I wanted to do, was get my driver’s license, and get …

For some reason, there have been very few times in my life that I have actually been in a relationship on Valentine’s Day.  Maybe it’s because of the fact that my relationships are usually short lived, or maybe the Universe likes to pick on me, it’s hard to say.  And while this used to bother me during my younger years, …

This next story takes place not too long after my unfortunate encounter with Mr. Insensitive.  To be honest, the timeline is a little blurry on this one, Because even though I was able to put together the Hit List after a few days of serious thought and reflection, there are certain periods of time in my life that are incredibly difficult …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 32: After Germany It was the winter of 2006 when I returned home to Victoria, BC from my trip to Germany, and I had mixed feelings about being home again.  On one hand, my parents and I were getting along splendidly around this time (amazing what 5 months apart will do), which made living in …

In my last post, I shared the story about the American Boy that I had a very short lived fling with, while living in Germany.  And at the end of that story, I also explained that once the relationship was over, I very quickly met another American on the site Hot or Not.  The thing was, this new guy that I met online, …

This next story takes place during my stay in Germany, which lasted for about 5 months.  And if you’ve been reading along, you might remember the story about my three way relationship with Jack and Jill in Germany (Volume 8).  They really were something special, and even though the sexual experiences that I was having with them were completely fulfilling, there were also …

This is another story that goes back to the beginning of my sexual career, when I was just 15 years old.  You may recall the story about The Pervert, who started having sex with me shortly after my heart was crushed over Showstopper.  And if you read that story, you might also remember how I shared the fact that I truly …

Well, here it is, this next story is the big one.  In fact,  I would say that this next post is probably the biggest story in the history of Peach, and you are about to discover some pretty personal shit.  However, let it be known that this is definitely not a story about sex.  I mean, there is probably going to …

I’m going to start this next one off by apologizing for the radio silence over the past few days.  I’ve received a few emails and Facebook messages from people who are wondering: why no new posts?  The truth is, I’ve been a little wrapped up in my personal life over the past few days.  And while I would love to …

This next post takes place in the year 2012, only a few months before I met Baby Daddy, and got pregnant almost instantly (maybe not instantly, but it sure felt like it).  Therefore, this story will always be one that is very special to me, since The Flooring Guy was the last person that I slept with before my body …

After my Daughter’s Father and I went our separate ways, it took quite a while for me to feel comfortable enough with my body to share it with somebody new.  You may recall the story about the Sexy Tattoo Artist, who was the first man that I slept with after I became a single Mom.  And while my experience with …

During the demise of my relationship with Church Boy Virgin, there was a constant power struggle between us, and I felt like a rebellious teenager who was sick of being controlled.  He had all sorts of rules about what I couldn’t do, and of course the moment he told me I couldn’t do something, I would go ahead and blatantly …

  Fantasy When I was a kid, I would daydream so often, that I started to develop an incredibly vivid fantasy world.  I can remember laying on my bed, listening to music, and closing my eyes to let the story unfold in my mind.  Of course, the fantasy world that existed when I was a kid, is a far cry …

  I’ve never thought of myself as the type of person who does the whole kiss-and-tell thing, but I guess that’s gone out the window for me now, since making my sexual confessions public.  The thing is, I sat down tonight ready to write another story from my past, but there was one big problem with that: my mind is too …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 24: Luscious Redhead A few months after my relationship with Timmy ended, I made a pretty big life decision that altered the entire course of my life: I adopted an 8 week old Boxer puppy, and named him Ruger.  The thing was, I already had a dog named Penny, who was a 12 pound fluffy mix …

If you read The Vagina Chronicles Volume 21, then you may remember the story about the Cute Caribbean, who I met through my friend, The Russian.  There is a lot of history behind my relationship with The Russian, and he is one of the few men that I have slept with, who I would be really happy to bump into …

In a previous post titled “The Younger Years,” you heard the story about the time when I seduced my restaurant co-worker, who I referred to as “Showstopper.”  You might also recall the part of that story when my Mom and I had a huge argument about the fact that I wanted to spend time with a guy who was so …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 21: Cute Caribbean It wasn’t too long after the terrible sex experience with the IT Manager, when a good friend (and previous lover) of mine invited me out to party one night.  He and I had a fling when I was 17, and still in high school, which was shortly after The Sailor made his …

I have to start off this next one by sharing some big news, that could explain the radio silence on the page last night… I have a new little addition, and it feels impossible to stop staring at him!  Needless to say, I am completely and totally in love with this adorable, wrinkly fur baby.  I might be terrible when …

If you’ve been following along, you may remember the tale of Sponge Bob, aka. The Heart Breaker’s Brother, from Volume 11 of the Vagina Chronicles.  After my experience with him, there was a heightened level of insecurity that was really bringing me down.  I was starting to feel the effects of sleeping around without feeling truly loved, or even cared …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 18: Teenage Love You may recall my story about Church Boy Virgin in the Vagina Chronicles Volume 9, and if you’ve already read that story, this may not come as a surprise, but his virginity was not the first or last virginity that I ended up claiming.  You see, when my own virginity was taken from …

It bothers me when I hear an adult complaining about their childhood, especially if it seems like they’re blaming everything on their parents.  Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge bone of contention with my own family, but I save the anger for therapy sessions, and only when necessary.  The way I see it, if your parents messed things up …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 17: My Valentine This story takes place in February 2006, which was almost exactly one month after the Heart Breaker had taken off to Southeast Asia, leaving me stranded in a black cloud of devastating depression.  I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: that man damaged me more than anyone ever has, and I …

It’s official: you can follow me on Facebook to stay up to date on current posts, and hear some of my daily filthy thoughts 😉  Have questions about my posts?  Suggestions?  Need sexual advice?  Message me on Facebook, and get a personal response 🙂 https://www.facebook.com/Chasing-Freedom-1794984174099972/?fref=ts  

The other night, I was chatting with my buddy Miss Smart, when she asked me a very important question: would I ever write about sex with my Daughter’s Father?  My immediate response was absolutely not.  Out of the question.  Straight up, I don’t think it would be fair to my kid, to write about sex with her Dad, and then …

This is my second entry for the day, so if you haven’t already, make sure to check out The Vagina Chronicles Volume 14.  You won’t want to miss the naughty things I reveal in that one anyway 😉 The Vagina Chronicles Volume 15: The Rebound Timmy and I broke up in the fall of 2010, and I was absolutely devastated, …

In my last issue of the Vagina Chronicles, we left off with the story about Timmy, who is otherwise known as “the one that got away.”  You may recall the fact that I slept with Timmy after only three dates.  You might also recall that I had mentioned that this was during a time in my life where I was …

  The Body Issue   Calm down, the picture posted above is not a picture of me.  You think I would make it that easy for the world to know who The Peach really is?  The picture is of Denise Bidot, who is a plus size model, and one of the only women on the face of this planet that could …

I’ve received quite a few emails from readers, who have all asked the same question: why not focus more on relationships, and less on sex?  It’s quite simple, really: I have very little experience in the realm of relationships, and the only kind of writing I do, is writing about situations that I’ve actually been in.  I like to deliver …

One thing that you may have noticed if you’ve been following along, is the fact that I am a very sexually liberal person.  And while there are a lot of things out there that I would never dare to try, I like to keep an open mind when it comes to the preferences of other people, especially the partners that …

DISCLAIMER: You need to read The Vagina Chronicles Volume 10 before you read this Volume, as this is a Part 2 story.   The Vagina Chronicles Volume 11: The Heart Breaker Part 2 In the last Volume of The Vagina Chronicles, we left off with a very heart broken Peach, who had fallen deep into love for the very first …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 10: The Heart Breaker Part 1 Ah, L’amour… you had to have known this was coming at some point.  This is the the story about the time I fell deeply and hopelessly in love with a man who wasn’t really all that into me.  You may be noticing a recurring theme with this one, however, the …

A special message for the readers: There was a very brief moment in time this morning, where I had a post up on craigslist, offering to share the link to this blog in exchange for feedback.  Sadly, my post got removed quite promptly, but before it did, I received just over 60 emails from people who were interested in reading. …

I have to start off this next one by saying that I’ve been overwhelmed over the past few days by how many people are actually reading this blog.  What’s more, is that some of you are actually enjoying it!  (While others of you are being forced to read this because I’ve hounded you down and reminded you of all the …

  The Vagina Chronicles Volume 7: Sexy Tattoo Artist  This is going to be a very special Volume of the Vagina Chronicles for me, not only because it’s about one of the sexiest men that I have ever fucked, but also because this was the first sexual encounter that I had after my daughter was born, and I was nervous as …

Sexual addiction, also known as sex addiction, is a state characterized by compulsive participation or engagement in sexual activity, particularly sexual intercourse, despite negative consequences. A Sex Addict is Born  Every time I read the definition of what it means to be a sexual addict, I can feel something inside of myself that aches just a little bit.  The word compulsive feels …

If I’m being honest, I have to admit that oral sex is probably one of my most favorite activities to enjoy with a partner.  Unless he’s Guy from the Bar.  Which brings up a good side note: there are actually times that I feel sort of bad for men with abnormally large cocks.  Think about it, they could meet the …

In a few of my previous posts in the Vagina Chronicles, I have hinted at covering the topic of anal play.  I never make promises that I don’t keep, so without further delay, I present to you:   The Vagina Chronicles Volume 6: The Anal Edition Ladies, for some of us, this topic can be a little bit sensitive, and …

The Vagina Chronicles Volume 5: Guy from the Bar Recently, one of my girl friends brought up an extremely valid point: she and I grew up in the same small city, and it was possible that we would recognize the names of guys that the other had hooked up with.  The only problem with this, is that somewhere along the way, …