Believe it or not, we have finally come to the time where there are only a few more names left on The Hit List, and this time I mean it for real. The last time I said there were only three names left on the List, it wasn’t a lie…it just didn’t stay true for very long. This time around, I feel confident that I can finish The Hit List before adding to it.
As most of you know, my stories aren’t written in chronological order and I bounce around from my teenage years, to present day and back to my mid 20’s quite often. Therefore, the fact that I’ve purposely chosen these next few stories to share for last should come as no surprise, and I promise you that if you read on, you’ll quickly understand why I’ve done so. We’re about to head into deeper waters, and I’ll be honest: I’m feeling pretty nervous about it. But there is a reason why I’ve chosen to share my stories and my life with you in the way that I have, and it’s all leading up to this. If you thought that my story was just about sex, this is the part where you find out that you’re wrong.
For those of you who have read every one of my stories from the beginning, you’ll never know how much it means to me that you’ve found me to be interesting enough to read this far. But fear not…just because The Hit List is coming to an end, it doesn’t mean that the stories will stop. There are many stories locked up in my lady vault, so you just never know what will happen next. From the bottom of my heart, I’m so thankful for every person out there who cares to read about it.
Almost The End
When I look back on the year 2017 and reflect upon how my sex life fared, I have to admit that I had sex with quite a few people in comparison to other years. I actually did the math one day recently and discovered that I slept with more people in 2017 than any other year of my life by one person. Then again, I can certainly think of one person whom I slept with this year where I felt like it shouldn’t count. In fact, I didn’t even include this guy on The Hit List, because there was so little to say about what happened. He was in and out so fast that I could have missed it if I had yawned (and trust me, I wanted to). I guess for some guys, all it takes is to get pushed inside a vagina, and without any movement or friction, the penis can still manage to muscle up an orgasm.
After reviewing my stats from last year, I wasn’t sure how to feel about my high numbers. On one hand, it means that I was a little more reckless than usual, but on the other hand it also means that I had a year full of orgasms, and who doesn’t want that? I look back on 2017 with many fond memories of great times that I had, while hoping that 2018 is going to bring something different into my life.
Some of you may recall the fling that I had last summer with Rocketman, the much older dude who shredded my heart up quite a bit. The truth is, during a one or two week period that he and I were “off again”, I happened to meet someone who ended up affecting me in a way that I could never have predicted. This story is just another reminder that everyone who comes into our lives is there for a reason, even if stirs something up inside of you that you thought was put to bed years ago.
It was one of the times when I shared my blog through Craigslist that I came across this man, whom I shall refer to as “Sad Eyes.” You see, Sad Eyes had been through the biggest nightmare that anyone can imagine going through. He lost his son to a drug overdose a few years ago and as a result, part of his heart has gone missing and you can see it in his eyes. Honestly, the first time that I met Sad Eyes, it took my breath away every time he made direct eye contact. His pain was so apparent that I could feel it when he looked at me.
The way that it happened with him was somewhat gradual: he emailed me through my blog, asking if I would like to have a drink with him sometime. I explained that I don’t drink, so he asked if I would have coffee instead, and I told him sure coffee would be nice some time. This conversation happened about 3 or 4 different times while Rocketman and I were on and off, and eventually the window of opportunity presented itself one warm summer evening in which I found myself up to no good.
Straight up, this meeting was meant to be a hook up, and we both knew it. After all, it happened around 11:30pm, and we decided to meet up in a parking lot to hang out first instead of going directly to his place since, you know, one of us could have been a psycho or something. Luckily, we’re both normal, nice people who wanted some physical intimacy that night.
After chatting for maybe an hour, Sad Eyes invited me to come back to his place so that we could “get more comfortable,” to which I politely obliged. I could tell that he was feeling nervous as we sat in his living room, and I can understand why. He explained that he was fresh out of a long term relationship, which was attributing to his sad eyes. He was trying to move on, but they had been through so much together that it wasn’t just the end of a relationship, it was the closure of a chapter in his life.
As I listened to his story, I could feel the pulling on my heart strings and in that moment I felt such a genuine compassion for this stranger in front of me. Because truth be told, I have always had an extremely compassionate heart, and there is honestly nothing that will ever change that. People can (and have) use me and abuse me for my giving spirit to the nth degree, and I’ll never change – because there is nothing that anybody can do that can take this part of myself away from me, it’s what makes me who I am. In that particular moment with Sad Eyes, I made a choice to give him the greatest gift of all – love.
Let’s pause for a moment on that one. I want to point out that giving someone love doesn’t mean that you’re in love with them, and it doesn’t even mean that you really need to know them. It means that you’ve made a conscious decision that you’re going to open up your heart in order to show some humanity. People are thirsty for love in so many different ways, which is something that I’ve become very familiar with over years of working in customer service and sales. Sometimes the best way that you can show somebody love is by making them feel heard and understood. Or on a more personal level, sometimes the best way to show love is to literally offer your body as a soft place to land at the end a hard day. Which is exactly the kind of love that I offered Sad Eyes that night.
We started making out on his couch, and then in one swift move he was literally on top of me – in my lap making out with me and moving his body against mine, a hard lump growing in his pants. I started rubbing my palm back and forth against his erection while he groaned and kissed me deeper, his hands making their way into my shirt. Then suddenly he was standing up, motioning for me to follow him into the bedroom.
This was another one of those Houdini situations where we stepped into his bedroom wearing our clothes, and then suddenly the clothes were just gone. I swear that when I was collecting my clothes later, I found one sock in his bedroom and the other in the living room and I’m pretty sure my shirt was in the kitchen somehow. In any case, there stood Sad Eyes in all his naked glory, his cock hard and ready to be teased. I sat him down on the edge of his bed and started giving him soft kisses up and down his shaft, flicking my tongue against his balls while he looked down at me with an eager and anxious smile. When I took him into my mouth, he groaned with pleasure, his thighs tensing up and shaking while I opened my mouth wider and took him all the way to the back of my throat, my lips at the base of his cock. I sucked and stroked while looking up at him, seeing the huge grin on his face combined with the sound of his sharp breaths between groans, realizing that I was so turned on that I could feel the heat rising from between my thighs, and could take it no more.
Sliding myself beside him on the bed, Sad Eyes reached down and discovered that my pussy was already wet, so he slid his fingers right inside of me and started doing something that should truly be taught in a class on how to conquer the pussy. You see, when the G spot and clit are stimulated in the right way at the right time, a woman is able to experience the ultimate orgasm that every man aims for his lover to achieve. Guys, if there is anything in this world that should make you feel like a man, it should be the power to make a pussy squirt on command. Which is basically what happened next.
It started in the pit of my stomach, and then just like a shot fired, the pressure suddenly intensified a thousand times over before firing through my veins and out of my system in the form of a quick stream of ejaculation shooting from my body. All I remember was hearing the sound of my own voice crying “oh my god” and the way that I struggled to catch my breath before begging him to fuck me.
Sad Eyes rolled on a condom as instructed, then slid his cock inside of me, and yet… I was having trouble figuring out whether or not it was actually in. He slapped his body against mine a few times while I pretended to be into it, but I was really more confused than anything. His cock certainly wasn’t big by any means, but I wouldn’t have described it as tiny, either… so what was going on?
After a few awkward moments, Sad Eyes finally stopped doing whatever it was that he was doing on top of me in order to explain that condoms just don’t work for him. And Guys, I totally get it, I really do. I mean, obviously I don’t actually get it, but I’m just well aware that this is a pretty common theme among the male gender. However, the sad truth is that we absolutely must use condoms sometimes, especially during times when I had been recently sleeping with Rocketman unprotected, and couldn’t say for sure if I was 100% squeaky clean. I mean, I was pretty sure that I was squeaky clean, but if I can’t say without a shadow of a doubt that I am, I refuse to put someone else at risk, that’s all I’m saying.
Anyways, due to the fact that sex was now off the table, I decided to blow him the rest of the way to orgasm. It was only a few minutes later when he shot his load all over my chest as I demanded him to. I’ll never forget the look on his face while he grinned ear to ear watching me play with his cum while it dripped all over me. I know for a fact that he still thinks about that moment to this day (come on Sad Eyes, you know it’s true!).
Afterwards, we laid in his bed together, cocooned in a post sex cuddle with his fingers running through my hair, me feeling the blissful glow of one of the most intense orgasms that I’d had… that week.
I’m going to be honest – whether or not there is cuddling after sex basically determines what kind of relationship I’m going to have with someone. There is a big different between a 5 minute “we’re done here” cuddle, and two people wrapping each other up in the blankets and staring into each other’s eyes while talking and laughing between the sheets. Just to be clear – Sad Eyes and I did not stare into each other’s eyes all romance-like, but we did curl up and start chatting.
He told me about some of the memories that he had of his kids when they were little, and about the moment that he found out that his son had passed away. He told me about his ex, who he had been with for quite a long time, and we speculated on relationships and why they do or don’t work. He told me that I was easy to talk to, and that he felt as though he could tell me anything. I told him that I get that a lot.
Our conversation continued to venture into deeper territories. He told me about the fact that his ex had been sexually assaulted when she was younger, and that it eventually created a rift in their sexual relationship, and he had no idea what to do or how to handle it. And then he turned to me and he asked me something that I’ll never forget, because something inside of me changed in this moment. He looked right at me and asked “has anything like that ever happened to you?”
Pause. Before I go deeper, I want you to know that this was the first and only time that I have been with a man who has asked me this. Out of all the men who I’ve been with, he was the only one who looked me in the eye and asked me if I had ever been sexually harmed in my life.
I felt suspended in time while he looked at me, waiting to hear my answer. The only way to describe what I felt in that moment is very cliche, but it felt like a weight had just been lifted. A light had been shone upon a part of myself that had been buried in the shadows for such a long time, that it almost took my breath away when I felt it being recognized. He looked at me and in that moment, he saw the real me. He saw the woman who I am when all of the armour comes down, a very delicate and rare moment. Because no matter how honest we try to be with each other and ourselves, everyone single one of us has a darkness within our soul that we’re terrified of. And this is mine.
Meeting his eyes, I finally answered him “yes. Something like that did happen to me,” and I could feel the shadow moving aside even further as the truth rose up from within me, and suddenly I was laying in bed with this man, who was watching my eyes intently as I calmly told him my truth. The entire time that I spoke, he never interrupted me, he never stopped me from going any further, and never did he try to downplay the gravity of what I told him. I’ve never told my story to a man before who has refrained from responding in one of those ways.
After I finished telling him my story, his response was “wow, that’s terrible I’m so sorry,” and that was exactly all that I needed to hear. We didn’t need to discuss it any further, and besides – there was a peace that I felt flowing through me right in that moment that’s almost impossible to describe. We continued talking about other things, still curled up in his bed. It was maybe another hour later that I decided that it was getting late and I should get home. After getting dressed and walking to the door, he kissed me goodnight and I was off.
By all means, this night should have just been like any other hook up, but it wasn’t. I mean, the relationship itself was absolutely a hook up, but what transpired that night between myself and Sad Eyes is something that I will truly never forget. From the bottom of my heart, I would never be able to thank him enough for being that guy, literally the only guy ever in my life, who actually cared to ask me. Because truth be told, I don’t think that most guys actually want to know if a woman in their life has been sexually assaulted. Probably because it leaves them in an awkward position – how do I react? How will this make me feel? Will it make me feel angry? And if you’re one of the men out there who feels this way when it comes to asking a woman if she’s ever been sexually assaulted, let me explain something to you right now that you really need to know:
No matter how awkward you might feel having a conversation with a woman about the time that she was sexually assaulted, I absolutely promise you that your short moment of discomfort is absolutely nothing compared to how awkward it feels to be sexually assaulted and then live with it.
And in case you’re wondering what happened to Sad Eyes after that night, I’m happy to report that we managed to stay in touch here and there and actually had a bit of a wild night together a few weeks ago. His eyes were looking a little bit less sad this time, which I was really happy to see. And although there will never be anything further between us, he’s always going to have a special place in my heart simply because of the fact that he truly saw me and heard me in a moment so raw, it still surprises me that he of all people actually caught a glimpse of me.
Because in that moment, I was no longer Princess Peach. Instead, I was Kelly.