The Vagina Chronicles Volume 51: Sexy Flanders

Before I begin this next story, I think it would be prudent of me to address everyone who has been dying to know what happened with Romeo and Juliet.  Did the three of us end up having an earth shattering threesome?   Have I have savoured every last detail to share with you?  The answer is no, we didn’t.  And as much as I’m sure you’re disappointed to hear that it didn’t turn out that way, just remember this: at least you know that I wouldn’t make up a bullshit story in order to entertain you.  No, I prefer to entertain you based on what actually happens in my life, because that’s the whole point of these stories: I’m just your average girl next door, and this is very much what modern dating looks like.

In any case, I’m sure you’re wondering what happened next for me after my failed triad, and I assure you that you’re about to find out.  This next story is about a man whom I happened to meet on two separate platforms, which made things a bit tricky.  But if you want to know the real story, you’ll have to read on…

The Vagina Chronicles Volume 51: Sexy Flanders

 

As many of you already know, I like to post ads on Craigslist from time to time in order to attract new readers and get more feedback on my site.  Of course, there are always a few people who question my motives on this, and I like to explain it this way: what better place to post about my site than a place like Craigslist, where perverts trolls the casual encounters section out of curiosity while swearing that they’d never go low enough to find a hook up on Craigslist (Spoiler alert: yes, they would).  Obviously, the people who check out these ads are looking for something sexual and fun – and what could be more fun than reading true sexual stories without the risk of getting herpes?  In fact, it’s possible that my stories have prevented people from getting STI’s everywhere, since they jerked off to my stories instead of meeting up with a promiscuous stranger.  Which kind of makes me a local hero in a sense, but it’s no big deal.

The last time that I posted about my blog on Craigslist, I received an email from a young man who had read a few posts and felt like we had similarities.  He told me that he could relate to my addiction to sex, and that he was gaining a lot of insight by reading my blog.  After exchanging a few emails, I found him interesting to talk to, and made a point to reply to his messages.  I’ll be honest – I haven’t had a lot of success when it comes to meeting men who have already read my stories.  They have a set idea in their mind of who I am and what I’m all about – and it’s usually not that accurate.  Therefore, I didn’t put too much thought into our email exchanges.  It wasn’t until I logged into my personal online dating account that things got interesting.  You see, the same young man had messaged me on my personal online account and his profile picture was the same one that he had emailed to Princess Peach.  But of course, he had no idea that he was talking to the exact same girl.

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place: should I tell him the truth about who I was?  Would it be wrong to chat with him on both platforms when he had no idea?  In the end, I decided that opportunities like this don’t come along every day, and therefore I continued to email him as Princess Peach, and chat with him as myself.  I felt like some kind of undercover ninja spy, which really made the whole experience that much more fun.

Here’s the cool part about getting to know someone when you’re talking to them as two separate people: you can ask similar questions and find out if the answer changes based on what they think they know about you.  In this case, his answers never changed, and I really liked that.  I also really liked the fact that he had a way of being very conversational, even over email.  He was honest about the fact that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, and even admitted to being terrified of commitment.  I appreciated the way that he was so up front about this aspect of himself, and I mentally placed him into a certain compartment.  You see, over the years I’ve done an excellent job at learning how to compartmentalize, which is a much easier thing to do when people are just honest about their intentions.  If a man has explained to me from the beginning that he has no intention of getting serious with me, want to know what I do?  I believe him.  And I acknowledge to myself that if I should ever choose to get involved with this person sexually, that I will always keep it in the back of my mind that I should have no expectations.

Eventually, both conversations that I was having with this guy were getting kind of deep, and I realized that I couldn’t keep it up much longer.  So I made the decision to come clean and tell him the truth – he had been speaking to Princess Peach the entire time and didn’t know it.  His mind was a little bit blown, but he admitted in hind sight that the way I worded my messages was so similar, maybe he should have known.  Which is somewhat true, since I have a very distinct way of explaining myself through text, but honestly who would have been able to tell?

Once the truth had come out, it didn’t take long before we made the connection that we lived a short walk away from each other (admittedly convenient).  He would text me as he was walking home from work, telling me about how he was going to go home and make himself cum multiple times while thinking about me and all the naughty things we could do.  I imagined how easy it would be to go out and meet him on the road while he was walking, leading him into the darkness to make out behind a tree.  I would think about how naughty it would be if I gave him a blow job outside on his walk home from work.

There was only one obstacle that I was going to have to overcome when it came to him.  You see, this all took place during the month of November, which is also affectionately referred to as “Movember.”  And in case you’ve been living under a rock since 2004, the whole idea behind Movember is for men to grow a moustache to raise awareness of prostate cancer and depression in men.  And Guys, I truly applaud you for standing up for your fellow mankind and making a difference out there by growing out your stache.  I think it’s super cool.  I also think it’s a fucking mine field for all the single ladies that go on dates in the month of November.  How is a girl supposed to separate the normal guys from the perverts when you all look the same?  Which was explains my apprehension with my neighbour – he had grown himself one of the perviest of the perverted Movember moustaches.  He sent me a few pictures of himself without the little blonde caterpillar on his face, and he seemed pretty cute.  He told me that a few of his friends had dubbed him “Ned Flanders” because of his stache, which is why I shall refer to him as “Sexy Flanders.”

It didn’t take long before I fell into a somewhat repetitive predicament that us women are faced with often: Do I sleep with him or not?  He was making it extremely clear that he wanted to come over and nail me.  In fact, I  think he may have even used those exact words at one point.  I was grappling with it for two reasons:

  1. Pervy Moustache
  2. He had told me fair and square that he wasn’t looking for anything serious and has a commitment phobia.  I don’t necessarily feel like I’m on the verge of meeting the love of my life, but lately I’ve been pretty bored of hook ups and one night stands.  I’ve been craving a deeper connection with someone that I just haven’t found yet.  Did I feel like sleeping with him knowing that would it happen 1-5 times max?

In the end, I was so turned on by the way that he was chasing my tail, that I decided what the hell, why not?  He was fun to talk to and showed a lot of enthusiasm and eagerness to please, which was certainly promising.  Besides, he had found my weak spot and had taken advantage of what he knew about me from reading my blog.  He would send me short video clips of his cum shots, usually on a towel placed in front of him.  Watching him come to orgasm while his cock tensed up and the sweet release came was so wildly erotic for me.  I absolutely love watching a man cum, there’s something about it that turns me on to no end.  In fact, Sexy Flanders and I talked about cum quite a bit.  He loves watching a woman play with his cum, showing him his cum in her mouth after a blow job, or rubbing it all over her body while he sprays her with it.  As most of you know, this is the exact kind of naughty play that I live for, and he and I would send each other dirty texts about him cumming all over me which got me hot and bothered 100% of the time.

The first time that I met Sexy Flanders in person, he walked over to my place in the middle of the day.  We sat in my garage and smoked a joint, talking about old TV shows and different comedy skits that we both like.  After hanging out with him for half an hour or so, I realized that his pervert stache, while indeed very pervy, was not going to prevent me from wanting to fuck Sexy Flanders.  Eventually, I told him to come upstairs with me so that I could show him the pets I had in my room, which is code for “let’s go get naked.”  It really didn’t take long before he and I were climbing under the sheets in my bed, our bodies curling up together while I could feel the bulge in his pants growing and pressing up against my body.

This might strike some people as strange, but I can actually be extremely shy when I’m getting ready to fuck a stranger.  I’m sure it’s a natural reaction, considering the circumstances, but there have been so many times where I have wanted to make the first move so bad and just haven’t been able to because of how shy I felt.  Luckily, Flanders navigated the situation by running his hands down my body and along my thighs, sending a shiver up my spine when he came dangerously close to brushing my lady bits.  We started pulling at each other’s clothes, taking off our pants and throwing the blankets aside.  He was in front of me in an instant, telling me to lay back while he lowered his head between my thighs.  I felt the light flick of his tongue, and suddenly his lips were on me, swirling his tongue around my clit in perfect unison with his finger, which was finding its way inside of me, while my entire body tensed up with pleasure: he was stimulating my clit and G spot at once, and I knew it wasn’t going to take long for me to orgasm.  No word of a lie, Sexy Flanders knows how to give incredible oral sex.  I would even go so far as to guess that he fits into the top 5 of the hit list for best oral sex (maybe I should create a Hit List award show?).  The tension continued to build up inside of me while he licked and flicked my clit, his fingers sliding in and out of me, pressing down on my swollen G spot while I moaned out that I was going to cum soon.  He started speeding up the rhythm while I lifted my legs higher, my entire body tensing up over the pressure that was building deep inside me.  Suddenly, I could feel my back arching and my body curling and releasing at once, while the pressure turned into an intense burst of pleasure, and I could hear myself panting for breath while my body trembled through the orgasm.

In a euphoric state, I moved myself away from him and instructed him to sit on the edge of the bed while I reached for his cock.  Straight up, Flanders has a really sexy cock.  He’s long, thick and uncut.  His cock also has a perfect curve that presses up right against one’s G spot when deep inside.  This, combined with the incredible oral sex he had just given me, truly motivated me to give him an incredible blow job.  I took him deep into my throat, swishing and swirling with my tongue while I pumped him in and out.  However, it only lasted a minute or two before Flanders instructed me to stop, or else he was going to cum.  In that moment we somehow decided that it would be way more fun for him to cum inside of me, and suddenly he was sliding his cock into me while I cried out in pleasure.  Very much like a few of my previous lovers who were very well endowed, I was immediately overcome by the sensation of having the deepest parts of me stimulated.  There’s something about it that’s so hard to describe when a man literally fills you to the brink, but it feels pretty fucking amazing, I can’t lie about that.  Within seconds I felt the pressure building inside of me again, but realized then that Flanders was starting to cum.  His body shuddered against mine while he cried out and continued to let out small pumps against my body while his cock drained itself inside of me.

We rested for all of 10 seconds before Flanders started pumping against me again, ready to fuck me a second time.  His cock didn’t even deflate the slightest bit between romps, which was pretty impressive.  Soon, I felt the pressure building inside of me while my vagina started gripping down on him, and again I felt my legs go back as my body tensed against his.  He pumped me faster and told me to cum all over his cock, and I couldn’t help myself, so I did.  He looked down at me while my body shuddered and I reached to grab onto the edge of the bed, a pillow, blanket, basically anything I could get my hands on while the pleasure swept over me, taking over every inch of my skin.  I was loving the way it felt to get fucked by his incredible cock, and I told him to get behind me.  He stood next to the bed while I kneeled in front of him, curling my body up while his cock slid inside of me, feeling so much bigger and deeper from that angle.  He pounded away at my pussy while I felt myself getting more and more wet, thinking to myself that I could let Sexy Flanders fuck me like this all day and it would never get old.

When he came to orgasm for a second time, I let him blow his load all over my stomach and chest so that I could watch him unload.  Seeing the look in his eye while he started to cum was so wildly sexy for me, I savoured the moment while I felt the hot thick liquid shoot out onto my body.  I ran my finger through his cum then put it in my mouth for him to see me enjoy it.  We both started giggling like two devilish children who have been awfully naughty, covered in sweat and completely fucked out.

After the first time that I hooked up with Flanders, our text messages started to dwindle and there seemed to be much less interest in the whole prospect of hooking up again.  I just assumed that for one reason or another, he likely wasn’t interested in nailing me again, and left it at that.  He would still text me here and there, almost like an occasional “check in,” but there was something in it missing for me to maintain an interest.  I don’t mean for this to sound arrogant, but I get a lot of male attention these days (particularly since starting this blog…), so I didn’t think about it too much.  Not until the texting suddenly picked up again seemingly out of nowhere, and I told him point blank that if he was actually interested in me, he needed to actually pursue it and not move so slow.  As a result, we had two more mind blowing hook ups that actually left me feeling fully and completely satisfied for an entire night each time, which is incredibly rare for me.  And even though the sex was amazing and Flanders is a fun guy to be around, I still felt like there was something missing for me and I knew what it was.

The next time Flanders and I were texting, I asked him if he was just wanting to keep things casual, or if he wanted to actually go out on dates some time.  He told me that he still felt like he just needed something casual in his life, and that this wasn’t a good time for him to be thinking about relationships.  I acknowledged that I was pretty sure that this was the case, as it had been from the start, and explained to him that there was something missing in it for me.  He understood where I was coming from, and we agreed that it was a fun little fling but could continue no longer.  Truth be told, I don’t want to miss out on finding my missing puzzle piece because I’m too busy nailing my neighbour.  Then again, it isn’t every day that you find out that your neighbour is a sexy little vagina worshipper with a moustache that’s been soaked in pussy juice.  Either way, this is always going to be one of those memories that I can happily reminisce about when I’m having a bad day.  Just imagine all the stories that I’ll get to tell my grandkids one day!

 

xoxo

 

Peach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. That was an awesome story. So erotic and the love you have for cum and watching it shoot out is a turn on. Your ability and passion for your own orgasm is soooo much more exciting though. Unfortunate that you guys didn’t go further but I’m glad you broke it off without heartache.

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