The Vagina Chronicles Volume 49: The Gardener

A note to Chasing Freedom Readers: Thank you so much for all the love and support that you’ve sent my way over the past couple of months.  After the epic failure with Rocket Man, I was inundated with notes of concern, support and offers of sexual favours… all of which brought a smile to my face – you Perverts really know how to cheer a girl up!  Obviously, I’ve been laying low for a little while, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve put this page to rest.  Not even close…


The Vagina Chronicles Volume 49: The Gardener


I hate to admit this right off the bat, but after my last post about Rocket Man, I still let him drag me through the dirt for a while.  It was such a roller coaster ride with that guy, and I wish I had jumped off so much sooner than I did.  You’ll often hear me say things like “I have no shame,” or that I regret nothing when it comes to previous lovers.  Unfortunately, I can’t say the same when it comes to RM.  Maybe it was because he was twice my age, and therefore had twice the amount of experience and knew how to play the game to get exactly what he wanted: a Peach who just couldn’t let it go.  Guys, I really mean that.  There was no such thing as keeping my dignity intact, or employing my usual routine of the graceful exit.  No…I went down in flames this time.

The worst part about it all was what happened about two weeks after I finally walked away from the situation.  Actually let me rephrase: it wasn’t so much that I walked away, it was more that he had completely and totally shut down on me, and I was pounding my fists against a brick wall.  It wasn’t in hopes of getting him back,  because I knew that it was too forgone for that.  But I couldn’t walk away without lashing out, spitting as much venom in his direction as I possibly could.  And for what?  Ladies, listen up: when a man discards you like yesterday’s trash, there isn’t anything that you can say or do that will make him have that “aha” moment of realization that he was an asshole.  He already knows what he is, and obviously he’s still making the choice to hurt you, which means that he just doesn’t care.  In hindsight, you may come to realize that he’s a well oiled machine that has been practicing this routine for god only knows how long, and you won’t be the first or last to suffer the consequences of his selfish cold hearted behaviour.  In any case, I was so ashamed of my own immature behaviour.  Here I was at the age of 30, acting like a heart broken teenager…ew.

As I was saying, it was two weeks after the relationship disintegrated, when I received a response to an anonymous ad that I had posted online, looking for a lady friend to play with (where are all the hot single bisexual women in this city anyway?).  To my shock and horror, the response was from Rocket Man himself, with photos attached of himself and his new lady lover, stating that they were looking to find the perfect partner for some threesome play, and would I be interested?  I literally ran to my bathroom and threw up…followed by the fastest phone call I’ve ever made to the Doctor’s office in order to get tested ASAP.  Like I said… I definitely have regrets when it comes to sleeping with RM, not limited to how disgusting and dirty I felt after receiving that email.

There are a few lessons that can be taken from this whole situation: 1. Listen to your friends when they tell you that a man twice your age has absolutely nothing to offer except for shitty intentions – I promise you they’re right.  2. Never get involved with a man who still has hang ups over someone else.  This seems so fucking obvious.  3. Listen to your gut – I’m usually spot on when it comes to my own intuitions, and most of the time I’m smart enough to listen to my inner voice.  The moment that you discount your own intuition is the same moment that you stop being true to yourself – and there is absolutely nothing good that can come from a situation where you’re disconnected from the most important relationship of all: the one that you have with yourself.

As much as there were so many things that went wrong here, the silver lining was that it forced me to take the time to reconnect with myself, and to forgive myself for being untrue.  Take note – after any rupture, there always needs to be some kind of repair, otherwise the wound will fester it’s way into every aspect of your life.  I personally make the choice to live a fulfilled life, one in which I’m happy and can enjoy healthy relationships.  They might sometimes be promiscuous relationships, but it is very much possible to have awesome sexual relationships that are healthy for everyone involved.

Once I had taken the time to heal, I knew that I needed to get back out there and find someone new to play with.  Sometimes having a new lover is a good way to wipe the slate clean, so to speak.  It’s a reminder that sexual relationships can be fun, exciting and without emotional destruction.  And that was when I met The Gardener 🙂

Right from the get go, I knew that The Gardener was going to be something special.  He and I shared so many common interests and our conversations never ran dry.  He’s an exotic animal lover just like me, and we even had 2 out of 3 of our favourite cereals in common… you just don’t find that kind of connection every day.  Not only that, but his sense of humour was on point, and I quickly found myself giggling like a school girl every time he texted me.  It’s hard to explain the feelings that I had when it came to him, but the only word that even comes close is “comfort.”  It felt so refreshing to find a hot, young guy who I could be myself around – such a change from what I had just been through.

The first time that I met The Gardener, we went for a walk together and smoked a joint.  I felt immediately at ease with him, and knew that there was a connection worth exploring.  At the same time, I was also feeling ultra cautious when it came to giving my feelings away.  I was keeping my heart guarded as closely as possible – reminding myself of how horrible it feels to be disconnected and vowing to never allow that to happen again.

Our second hang out went just as well, only this time I wasn’t going to let him get away without a little physical action.  We were curled up on the couch together, and it was starting to get late.  It was that semi-awkward moment of “should I stay or should I go,” except you already know the answer to that.  I decided to take the bulls by the horn, and told him to come up to my room with me, and he certainly wasn’t going to protest.

Once in my room, we stood in front of my bed making out and running our hands up and down each other’s bodies.  The Gardener is an amazing kisser – I would even go so far as to write a letter of recommendation 😉  But I will be honest: I was nervous about having sex with someone new after months of getting nailed by Rocket Man, who had a notoriously massive cock.  What if my vagina had lost all interest in any cocks that were smaller (which makes up about 99% of the population – the odds were not in my favour).  Even worse, what if my vagina had been stretched out by RM, making it completely unenjoyable for The Gardener?  I’ve always prided myself in the fact that I have a nice, tight pussy, and I knew that there was only one way to find out if anything had changed downstairs after taking a rough beating from my last lover.  The moment of truth finally arrived after some steamy foreplay, in which I gave The Gardener a top notch blow job that had him groaning and shaking on the side of my bed.  I got up and went to the bathroom to find a condom, feeling the butterflies rise up inside of me… here goes nothing!

The moment that I felt his cock slide inside of me, I realized that I had nothing to worry about all along.  For one thing, he also has a pretty massive cock himself, and also I have the kind of body that responds like clock work to amazing sex: the moment he started penetrating me, my pussy clamped down around him, causing him to moan out something like “oh my god babe,” while he started sliding himself in and out of me, each stroke building more and more tension deep down, and I knew it was going to be a matter of mere seconds before I was going to cum all over him.  I’ll never forget the first time with him, because even though we were still just getting to know each other, it felt like our bodies had met a thousand times before.  He curled himself around me, holding me close to him while we moved together, and just as I had suspected, I felt the sweet release wash over me almost instantly while I gushed all over him.  Fuck, it was really amazing.

Even writing about this is giving me such a huge lady boner, because the whole experience was nothing short of exceptionally erotic.  At the same time, getting off wasn’t the best part about it.  The best part was the way that he held me, touched me, kissed me, ran his hands along my body and worshiped me between the sheets.  He leaned back at one point, resting on his knees while he continued to slide in and out of me, circling my clit with his finger while watching my reaction.  I remember thinking to myself how amazing it was to have found a man who seemed so focused on pleasuring me in a way that was both gentle and loving – something that I had never experienced with RM.

I’ll never forget the way he groaned and cried out “fuck me” while we were going at it.  And I certainly did.  I climbed on top of him and squatted on his cock while I bounced my pussy up and down on him… which, by the way, is a position that I have always lovingly referred to as “the top squat.”  Ladies, if you have yet to master the top squat, I strongly suggest that you add that one to your book of tricks.  I’ve never met a man who doesn’t get wildly excited when he sees me pushing my knees up while I squat down on him.  Success rate = 100%, unless he’s the kind of guy who only loves to dominate and doesn’t want his woman to be on top.  In which case, you can assume the role of his Pillow Princess and forget about squatting on his cock.

The Gardener and I were going at it for quite a while – and I was feeling rather pleased with his stamina.  Just when I was feeling orgasm’d out, he cried out that he was going to cum, and pulled his cock out to spray me with his cum (yes! yes!), but forgot to warn me of the fact that he’s a real sprayer.  You see, there are some men who can cum so hard that it projects out of their body like a freaking super soaker, and that’s exactly what happened in this case.  He may have been kneeling in front of me, but I felt his cum splash all over my neck, chin and … my eye.  Yes, he accidentally sprayed me in the eye with his cum.  And although the moment was a little awkward, I was still reeling with pleasure, combined with the fact that I had found myself a partner who could dump huge loads of cum… fuck yes.

After I wiped myself down and did damage control on my eye, The Gardener and I hopped into the shower together, making out and running our hands along each other’s bodies.  It felt like such a blissful moment – one that I’ll always look back on with fond memories.

You may be wondering to yourself whether or not I’m still sleeping with The Gardener.  Unfortunately, it didn’t last very long, and I was truly sad to see him go.  As much as I could tell that he was really into me, he had a bad habit of cancelling plans last minute, and being generally flaky.  And since I had recently learned the hard lesson of being true to myself no matter what – I knew that it wasn’t going to work for me.  He was the kind of guy that I could have so easily fallen in love with, had things continued the way that they were going.  And I knew that I didn’t want to fall in love with someone who wasn’t going to be reliable – because in the end, it would just hurt.  One night, when he wasn’t able to make it over again, I told him that I really liked him, but that I needed to find someone who was more available.  He told me that he was sorry to hear it, but that he understood that he was a busy guy and didn’t have a lot of free time.  Luckily, he knew where I was coming from and there were no hard feelings.

The truth is, the dating game can be some tricky territory to navigate, and for the most part, people suck at communicating with each other when it comes to sex and love.  It certainly doesn’t help when you can find someone who you connect with so well, but there are other parts of your life that just don’t line up – like the amount of time that you can spend together, or prioritizing each other in your lives.  When two people are able to find each other and connect in a way that allows them to build a solid relationship together, not only is it rare, but it deserves to be respected and cherished.

Recently, I’ve been so much more focused on my relationship with myself, above my relationship with anyone else, which I think is evident in this snippet of a story.  I’ve also become a lot more dedicated to learning how to communicate as clearly and effectively as I can, with the intention to bring that part of myself into any new relationship that I enter into.  Which brings us to the present, and I’m sure you’re wondering what the Peach has in store next.  Well… actually there is something quite exciting going on in my life at the moment.  Something rather different and unconventional that I haven’t explored for a very long time,  but considering where I am in my life at the moment, it seems like the perfect time to go down that road.  I don’t want to say too much about it, because I would hate to jinx anything.  But let’s just say that I’ve found myself feeling more and more curious about a particular kind of relationship that has nothing to do with settling down with someone, and more to do with practising open communication and focusing on the pure act of giving.  And don’t worry… I’ll be happy to share more of the juicy details as it all unfolds.  You should know by now that there is never a dull moment when you’re hanging out with Princess Peach.






  1. Glad to see you are back Peach! Sorry to hear that RM turned out to be a douche! Looking forward to what life has in store for you!

  2. You missed a few details about our ending they might like to hear but to be fair doubt you actually remember. After the peach asked me not to contact her again, which I honoured…she chased me down… Then demanded a facebook breakup instead of remaining friends…

    The gardiner wasn’t busy, he’d had the peach, which was what he wanted and was finished with her. He knows a nightmare when he sees her.

    1. Wow the Rocketman is actually…pathetic. While most men can be cruel or evil, it’s astonishing to come across once who can be malicious and pathetic at the same time. Good on you for moving past him Peach.

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